Emotional Intelligence - 9/13

Judgments and Labels

Judgment and Labels

If I were to ask you, are you a judgmental person, and/or do you place labels on others? What would your answer be? Let me guess…No. Unfortunately, you would be wrong. Don’t feel bad or get defensive just yet. You are not alone. Studies show that our brains are wired for categorization. The wiring system that connects different areas of the visual cortex with appropriate regions in the rest of the brain is innate and not based on visual inputs. What? You ask. Let me explain. If I were to ask you to visualize a banana, then, visualize a Gorilla, you would use a different area of the brain to do this. The visual cortex would shuffle those thoughts into different areas of the brain to respond appropriately. For example, if you saw a gorilla you may run, however, if you saw a banana, you probably wouldn’t run, unless you have one of those rare, strange phobias…Therefore, the organization of our brains is understood in terms of evolutionary history such that we distinguish prey and aggressors from other objects that we need or want such as fruit or nuts. 

Even as a baby we learn to speak through labeling. Labeling is an early part of learning. As babies learn more, they begin to replace those labels with descriptions. The same holds for adults. As we learn new things we label. Unfortunately, if we stop learning, these labels remain, leading to bias and the daily use of labels. On a brighter note, if we continue to learn we move past these biases and replace them with more knowledge and awareness. 

Judgments and Labels Video

https://youtu.be/N1ELe32Lqhk

Emotional Intelligence

So, are you judgmental readers ready to learn more? Although labels are not always negative; sometimes viewed as positive to set meaningful goals in our life. Oftentimes, labels that we use to describe each other are the result of unfounded assumptions and stereotypes. We regularly apply labels to people whom we barely know or have never even met, and the same is done to us. Thus, for good or for bad, labels represent an influence on our identity that is often beyond our control.

Emotional Intelligence can assist us in our learning process. What’s emotional intelligence you ask? Emotional intelligence also known as emotional quotient or EQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. Dr. Daniel Goleman, an internationally known psychologist believes that “By teaching people to tune in to their emotions with intelligence and to expand their circles of caring, we can transform organizations from the inside out and make a positive difference in our world.” According to Dr. Goleman, there are five key elements of emotional intelligence. These include self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Although IQ (Intelligence Quotient) can change over time depending on the person’s ability to learn new concepts, most people consider a high IQ individual (often labeled a genius) is born or blessed with this gift. EQs on the other hand can be learned and improved over time. High EQ individuals are often described as charismatic and approachable. They have high rates of success in the workplace and in relationships. They also tend to be happier than their lower EQ peers. Other characteristics include flexibility, even-tempered, humility, independence, and cooperativeness. Let’s further discuss the five key elements of emotional intelligence.

Self-Awareness. A self-aware person can identify with his or her behaviors, patterns, and motives. This person has a strong connection with their emotions meaning they can quickly identify what emotion they are feeling and why are feeling that way. In addition, they understand how their emotions and behaviors affect others around them. They can self-identify limitations by recognizing triggers and strengths. This key element correlates with the quality of humility because they understand that they are not perfect and are only human. 

How can I raise my self-awareness EQ score? Journaling is a great way to boost this score. By writing down, your thoughts, and behaviors in a notebook each day, you can reflect on what you are feeling, which can increase your self-awareness. Slowing down is another way to boost this score. This technique is especially helpful when you are experiencing strong emotions, such as anger. Slow down and examine why you are angry. Doing this will not only increase your score it can prevent you from behaving irrationally. Remember, no matter what the situation is, you control how you react to it.

Self-Regulation is all about staying in control. These individuals can pause and analyze the consequences of their response before they react. They know how to ease tension and manage conflict. This key element closely mirrors the quality of flexibility because the ability to manage emotions helps individuals to adapt to any environment and to cope with difficult scenarios. In addition, these individuals are ideal leaders because they rarely make rushed or emotional decisions, nor do they verbally attack others or stereotype. These individuals do not comprise their values.

There are several techniques that you can do to improve your self-regulation EQ scores. The first is knowing your limits. If you haven’t already, write down your values, what things are important to you and what are some things that you absolutely will not compromise. In other words, what is your code of ethics? Once you have those set, it will be easier to make appropriate decisions about things that are morally and ethically wrong. The second technique is to hold yourself accountable. Why would you do that when blaming others is so easy, you ask? Admitting to mistakes, and identifying faults is often hard or embarrassing, however, failures are a part of the learning process. The quicker you can make mistakes and identify them, the quicker you learn and become successful. So, admit your mistakes, and accept the consequences. You will grow, probably sleep better at night, and earn the respect of others around you. The last technique is to practice being calm. There are many stress-relieving techniques out there that can help you stay calm in a challenging situation, such as deep breathing exercises. Slowly inhale and exhale until you feel calm, or less stressed. You can also try writing down some of the angry thoughts that you have on a piece of paper, then, tear it up and throw it away. Expressing your emotions on paper is better than saying them out loud because once you say those angry things you cannot take it back. In addition, it aids in your self-awareness because you can reflect on your emotions and why you are feeling that way. It also challenges your reactions to ensure that they are fair and appropriate.

Motivation. People who are intrinsically motivated are inspired to reach goals because it makes them grow as opposed to outside rewards such as fame, recognition, status, and money. These individuals have a high thirst for professional development and are highly driven to succeed. They are consistent at working towards their goals and set extremely high standards to prosper. To improve your motivation, re-examine why you are doing your job. It’s very easy to forget what you love about your job. So, take some time to reflect on why you chose that profession in the first place. 

Creating goal statements can reenergize you and push you towards accomplishing your passions and dreams. You should review your goals often and make changes as you achieve these goals. Determine how motivated you are to lead. There are several assessment tools out there that you can take to see where you stand and how motivated you are through leadership. One example is the Motivation Leadership assessment tool. These assessments will often provide tools and resources to increase your motivation. 

Be hopeful and positive. Motivated leaders are often optimistic, finding the “good” in situations no matter what problems they face. This will take some practice, however, try to find at least one good thing in the situation whenever you experience failure or are presented with a challenge. 

Empathy. Empathetic individuals have a healthy level of self-interest. They understand where others are coming from, are slow to judge, and possess the awareness that we are all just doing our best. If a particular experience has not personally happened to them, these individuals can draw from life experiences to imagine how others may feel. They are compassionate about the expressed feelings that others are going through. Having a high EQ score means more than just the ability to understand others. It also refers to the ability and willingness to spend time with others and ask questions. This open-mindedness and curiosity enhance the ability to connect with others.

So, how can you improve your empathy score? Put yourself in others’ shoes. It’s easy to understand your point of view but often difficult to relate to others. Take some time to look at other people’s perspectives. Pay attention to body language. Crossed arms and a slouched posture can speak volumes. It tells me that you are not interested and are closed off. Body language can tell others how you feel in each situation. When communicating, make sure that your body language shows a positive message. Being able to read the body language of others can be an asset. As a leader, you can determine how others are feeling without them saying a word. This allows leaders to respond appropriately to that person. You can also increase your empathy scores by responding to feelings. If you ask a person to work late and that person agrees in a disappointing tone. Acknowledge that person’s feelings by empathizing with that person. Make sure that person feels valued or appreciated by saying something like “I understand that these hours are frustrating, and I appreciate you working late with me.” You can also find a way to make those late-night workdays more enjoyable such as ordering takeout. 

Social Skills Individuals with high EQs are welcoming in communication, use active listening, eye contact, open body language and have excellent verbal communication skills. Because of their social skills, they work well in teams and develop rapport with others. These individuals are aware of the need for communication and conflict resolution. They are open to hearing good and bad news and have a knack for inspiring others to enthusiastically support team goals. To accomplish these tasks, they use their behavior to set examples for others. 

To improve your social skills put yourself in new situations. While in these new environments focus on your communication skills such as body language, eye contact, and active listening. Communication quizzes as well as other individuals can give you feedback on how well your communication skills are improving. Learn how to praise others when it is earned. You can inspire the work of others by simply praising them which takes little effort but has a tremendous impact. Learn conflict resolution. Conflict resolution is a vital skill to succeed in anything in life, and practice makes perfect. Don’t shy away from conflict. Get involved and learn how to handle these situations. Your skills will continue to improve over time. 

Managing and Acknowledging Feelings

Checking and managing your feelings is the initial and often hardest step in emotional intelligence. However, having the ability to take control of your emotions is vital to everyday life. When you are in tune with your emotions, you have access to information that helps you with decision-making, self-care, successful relationships, and day-to-day interactions. Remember that not all emotions are bad. Emotions help us live, vibrant, exciting, and unique lives. However, uncontrolled emotions may lead to relationship disturbances, emotional outbursts, or substance abuse. Regulate your emotions but don’t regress or suppress them. Sweeping your emotions under the rug prevents you from experiencing that emotion which can contribute to physical and mental symptoms such as anxiety, depression, stress, or substance use. Instead, identify with that emotion. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What happened to make me feel this way? Does this situation have a different explanation that makes sense? What do I want to do about these feelings? Is there a better way of coping with this? Next, accept your emotions. For example, “I’m upset because I keep losing my keys, which makes me late. I should put a dish on the self by the door, so I remember to leave them in the same place.” Finally, try some healthy coping techniques such as journaling, deep breathing, distraction, or meditation. 

References:

Branan, Nicole (2010, January 1). Our Brains are Wired for Categorization. Mind & Brain. Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/wired-for-categorization/ on July 21, 2022.

Nasser, Kate. (2022). People Skills: Why we Label People and How we Stop. Retrieved from: 

https://healthinsight.org/Internal/assets/Nursing%20Home/PhysicalRestraints/PR_Resource_Guide1_from_NCC.pdf on July 21, 2022.

Healthline. (2022). How to Become the Boss of Your Emotions. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-control-your-emotions on August 24, 2022.

Identity and Labels (2022).

https://www.facinghistory.org/resource-library/my-part-story-exploring-identity-united-states/identity-and-labels on July 21, 2022.

Lebow, Hillary. (June 6, 2021). How Can I Improve Emotional Intelligence? (October 2019). Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-emotional-intelligence-eq on August 3, 2022.

Sangerma, Eric. (April 5, 2021). 7 Traits of People with High Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from https://medium.com/wholistique/7-traits-of-people-with-high-emotional-intelligence-5a5285b5785f on August 3, 2022.

Shetty, Jay. (2020, August 5). Before you Judge Someone, Watch this. . YouTube. https://youtu.be/N1ELe32Lqhk

TTI Success Insights. (April 4, 2018). Important Distinctions between EQ and IQ. Retrieved from https://blog.ttisi.com/important-distinctions-between-eq-and-iq on August 3, 2022.